Birthday

It was my birthday this week. I love birthdays. The start of a new year, the promise of what’s around the corner. I enjoy looking back at all the experiences from the previous year, both the good and the bad. Some years are harder, others more fun, but I’m grateful for all of it. Particularly over the last year and half I’ve become more aware and more thankful for my health than I’ve ever been before. I’m in the best shape I’ve been in a long time and I don’t mean that just physically, but mentally as well. I’ve learned to focus less on how I look and appreciate more so how I feel. I have a healthy relationship with food for the first time in my adult life. I’m enjoying cooking. I’m constantly trying out new recipes, all the better if they include wine. I’m furnishing and decorating my first home. I’m loving playing with paint swatches, picking hardware, organizing closets, yardwork, all of it is fun. We’ve made so many new friends. We had an amazing family trip back to Chicago and a romantic weekend getaway to New Orleans, two of my most favorite places in the world. I’m journaling and reading more. Not as much as I want to but it’s progress. I’m prioritizing my self care in a way that I never have before. I’m keeping up with all of my doctors and being proactive with my preventative care. I’m learning my value, my worth, and my power and I will not compromise on any of them. I’ve put boundaries in place and learned how to say no. I love to say yes to new experiences but I didn’t anticipate how freeing and liberating saying “no” could be. I’ve learned how to preserve my energy and protect my peace. I’ve experienced my first real loss of a loved one and had easily the hardest week of my life. Even in that deep grief I’m learning to find the “Hallelujah” anyway.

I can only guess what the next year will bring but I’m just scratching at the surface. I’ve gotten a taste of this gorgeous, empowered life and I’m hungry for more. I’m craving a richness that has nothing to do with money. I want more color, more zest, more verve and I intend to go get it. Birthdays are fun because if you’re lucky you get a do over every year. You get to assess what to keep, what to toss, what worked, what didn’t. As long as you have breath it’s never too late to start over. You can redesign your life as many times as you need.